Two years ago, I would have said, "I'm going to soon have my screenplays made into movies that will make everyone think and will turn people's hearts to God."
Fourteen months ago, "Why, I'm going to marry E.C. and move to Tampico, where we will start a home church and have many children, then my writing, sewing and his talents will keep us at home while supporting our family."
One year ago, "I don't know. What does life mean to me anymore? I only wanted what God wanted, and I thought He gave me a good gift, but now he's gone!"
Now, I am reaching for something a little more practical. While I am continually working both on my writings and my designing, I am focusing on an immediate direction for my life. Before long, my parents will be in Virginia. I have wanted to be in Virginia since childhood. I have so far planned to go with them. But I realize that not all of the originally thought out plans are going to work necessarily.
It occurs to me that I don't want to be one of those women who just lets my parents support me until I am thirty, forty years old - I am already almost 23. My parents have 5 children under 20 and 2 over 20. I just don't want to be living off of them for a long time. And I fear that if I do not take this time to go out on my own now, I will get comfortable at home and might never leave.
So, I have put in some applications for Colonial Williamsburg, hope I will be accepted. I have wanted this since I was 11. I guess if I get hired, I will move to a hotel or something. Maybe take two or three jobs and save money. All these things will help work me toward my life's goals - writing and designing - the very goals that a few months ago, I cried that I would forsake if only I could have the One I love. But no such occurred.
Well, I am just waiting to see where the Lord will lead my steps now. I pray it will be Colonial Williamsburg - at least for a while.
3 comments:
Well I perceive some sadness and hurt, but it seems that through it all you have some optimism and trust. My own life has led me through different stages and paths. I too, have had to change plans and I haven't always accomplished what I most desired. Even now, the things I've done cast a shadow over my future and make me doubt exactly what lays ahead. Will my Heavenly Father forgive me and make it all right?
I ask Him to break the ugly piece of pottery I've become and just make me new. Thing is, we only have one life. May He be glorified in spite of my weakness, foolishness and failure.
May you truly perceive and follow where He leads. Living IN His will will be your greatest happiness and joy, living OUT of His will will be a burden too heavy to carry.
All the best!!
Thank you for those words. I am sorry for whatever pain or bad decisions you have had to live with. Unfortunately, some of were less informed than others, or some of us didn't want to hear what we were told.
I thank God that I had parents who led me in the Way, and that I have not made any very big irreversible mistakes.
I am not haughty or proud though. I was born into a sinful nature, and the same as anyone else, I have many sins and shortcomings that make me a failure in God's sight. If not for His grace, I would be in terrible shape.
Yonathan, I would like to say that it is true that He forgives ALL our iniquities. Jesus' blood covers all that we have done. Not to say that the consequences of our deeds don't last far beyond what we would like them to, but His grace will not only cover, but wash away our guilt. I don't want anyone to think that I believe in "hyper-grace", where you think you can do whatever you please and His grace covers all. The Bible is clear about standards.
Please feel okay to forgive yourself for things you have repented from and received His forgiveness. He loves you. Paul was a murderer. His repentance could not bring back Stephen or anyone Paul helped kill; but God used him greatly in spite of his past. God loves you as much as He does Paul.
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